Love is not what you need and what you want

Just read another pop article that stated that you know you love someone if you want and need the other person. Post modern attempts to validate their own selfishness isn’t fooling anyone, and i find it very limp.

True love isn’t about what you want or need. True love is a commitment to give what the other person needs, even if the other person changes. That’s exactly what Christ did for us – hence the reason why He is worthy of my adoration. When both parties are doing this, that’s when dating turns into marriage, and marriage turns into beautiful 50 year anniversaries. The world today defines love as what you want and what you need. It’s all about you. If so, then you are simply a slave to what you crave. You don’t love the PERSON, you only like the person’s attributes. To you, the person is but a donkey that carries the attributes. When the attributes change, the way you feel changes, and hence we find a new donkey. That’s a slavish mentality. I don’t want to be a slave, I want to be a conqueror. The Bible turns it on it’s head, “Love is not self-seeking, it always protects … it bears all things, it endures all things.” 1 Cor 13. The man capable of abiding to such commitment is richer than the richest man, stronger than the strongest athlete. And I dare to say that this type of love causes the “donkey” to become a beautiful stallion – far more precious than “attributes”. This is contrasted to the alternative – I’ll get a new donkey. And, in the process, the donkey you left is scarred, while you continue to be a slave to your cravings.

For those that think this love is impractical, perhaps you haven’t tasted the powerful experience of redemption. When something that could never be repaired by naturalistic means gets repaired (and both parties are changed from despair to humility to grace and love), few other experiences come close to that.

For some reason, in the dead of the night, I felt I had to pen this down. Going to sleep now.

4 thoughts on “Love is not what you need and what you want

  1. Yes! I agree that love is not what you need or what you want but I would argue, it is also constantly trying to meet others needs or wants either. As only God knows the deep desires of our heart and what it is we need to be drawn closer to him. God is love. He is the one who will provide for us everything we need and his timing is perfect. Love is when two people are able to rest in that and enjoy each other seeking to grow together in sanctification towards oneness with the Father. That requires patient, kindness, that you are not self seeking or jealous, or angered, or keeping records of wrongs. It’s entering in when someone is hurting not to judge and tell them how they should behave or what they did wrong. Love allows another to be where they are at but gently encourages more. I believe whole heartedly that God reveals to us pain and brokenness in our lives when we are in a good, safe, loving place for healing to occur. That if he reveals it to us it is not to tear us down like the devil wants to do but to build us up. To heal us and give us more then we ever imagined. Than we ever dreamed possible. People hurting need love, need to hear the truth that it isn’t up to us. God is a good, good, loving father who wants to heal. Who wants connection, who wants to see us living life as we were created! Fully known, fully seen, resting and trusting in him. Life is too hard to live it alone. We need others in our lives to make it through. Living genuinely and authentically God places the people we need in our path for growth.

    I am not someone normally who comments on blogs. As I’m not really a social media person but I’m grateful for your challenge to the traditional view of love. I haven’t had the opportunity to read all of your story but look forward to doing so as I too am someone who has survived and been healed from an illness. I too am experiencing life in a completely different way living it abundantly with more fullness that I ever thought possible because of the work of the Spirit in my heart teaching me, encouraging me, and challenging me, while showing me how much I am loved.


    1. HI Tabitha,

      That was very insightful, thanks for adding your insight that undoubtedly stemmed from deep personal experience. “Love allows another to be where they are at but gently encourages more.” – I like that.

      I am glad to challenge the conventional, post-modern idea of love. A philosophy that has it’s feet grounded solidly in mid-air is not a place you want to build a long-term foundation on. Anything defined ultimately by yourselves as the authority is fickle, and anything can be justified. That’s why we need Truth, and Reason (coherent intellectually) and Grace (real intervention from God in our lives today) to substantiate that Truth really exists and is worth believing in.

      No one could love as sacrificially and heroically as Jesus, but that is our model. But, it’s Grace that empowers us to love that way. Left to our own devices, we cannot love this way on the long term.


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