Picture this, Imagine that
Crawling on my fists, Lord, where you at?
In the corner, body twisted, broken, sad
2nd degree burns, failing liver, what kind of choice was that?
Flesh flaking, torn, flies attracted, wounds open
I’m shaking, unload this repository of broken dreams I’m holdin’.
I perspire, my skin burns again.
doesn’t burn as much as this question – where are my friends?
… … … Time. Silence. Breath. Fall. Mauling. Timing. Shining. Arriving. This hand I call.
A voice rings out, it sings loud, re-route this “doubt”
This King removes the decibels so we can see out
Quiet as a lion, dark as the sun
Small as the ocean, bigger than when time itself begun
“I saw. Be still your heart, redemption, Son,
Zahkor, this end from start, with you I’ll run.
from rainbows and hellfire, the Past broke from Future
just when you think you can never get over
These two become one, here on my shoulders……
We two become one, here on my shoulders
Prepare yourself for the journey.
Kenneth Koh, a Modern-day Job, March 2007 (before the worst was to come)
I shudder at the thought of calling myself a “modern-day Job.” However, when sharing my story with seminary students in California, I found out they were identifying me as the “modern day Job”. Hence, the name stuck.
My life capitulated physically, emotionally and spiritually for more than a 20-year-old period. A 20+ year period of progressively debilitating eczema that the best specialists could not cure. My body capitulated to the point of almost death and being out of work for years. Being left isolated for weeks in the prison of my room, unable to go outside for long periods. Externally excruciating burning pains on my flesh, infections under the flesh, and mentally stunted due to volumes of medicines wrecking havoc inside of me. A series of broken relationships. Being mentally assaulted by the full force of liberal scholars declaring Jesus was a man-made myth. Being misunderstood and belittled by some family, friends and church leaders.
The list goes on. The list goes long. The list is all kinds of wrong.
YET. Here I am.
The long arduous journey of darkness created a depth within me. The darkness allowed me to see things better, clearer, with greater insight. If I told you that God significantly reversed all those years of capitulation in just the span of a couple of years, would you believe it? God can undo in moments what the enemy did to you in years. Even if man turns you away, when if organized religion turned you away, Jesus won’t turn you away.
This book is written so that you may believe.
I am not only sharing which powerful truths in the Bible caused a significantly massive surge in a short time. I am also sharing the beauty within the nuances of hope/despair, redemption/capitulation and epiphanies within the journey through darkness. These lessons (that I quantized as “letters”), are what I wished were passed down to me during my own time of capitulation – which I now savor from hindsight. These letters would have made my journey a little more beautiful, a little more fused with meaning, and may have accelerated the recovery process in terms of emotional and spiritual depression. Today, my hope are that these letters would comfort and empower those who are God’s children, but are suffering without meaning. These letters are for those children of God whose journeys’ are too much out of the box from the world, and even from church. These letters are for those who are truly alone – like Job.
If that is you, may these letters enlarge your vision, bring great comfort knowing you are not alone, and convince you that God’s love works to give you a hope and a future. I speak from experience. God defied doctors, career statisticians and naysayers to bring someone like me with no hope, to a journey of exponential growth. My experience and testimony is yours to keep and to ask God about.
Others cannot see it, but your journey is more blessed and beautiful than what others thinks.
Don’t give up,
PS: This website is still a work-in-progress. I will still be adding and changing material. I decided to open this page to the public even though it’s far from complete. It makes it all more personal.
Here’s a link to my blog.
Here’s a link to a list of chapter drafts.